Monday, March 26, 2012

Epic Bullshit #012 - Attempted Murder in Thailand

My name’s David Rodwin

And this is some Epic Bullshit.

I love the ocean. I love the mountains. I love the sun. I love driving. I love airports. I love baggage claim. I love trains. In fact. I love traveling so much that a few years ago when I'd been dating a girl for just a few weeks and she asked if I wanted join her on a trip to Thailand with her for an entire month I said, “Of course!”

It turned out the friend she planned on going with had backed out at the last minute, so all I had to do was buy my ticket and off we went.

After a week in Bangkok, things were going pretty well, so we took a side trip to Cambodia to see the magical Ankgor Wat. A few days later after exploring all the jungle temples there, we were on our way back to Bangkok heading back from the airport in Siam Reap, when she presented me with a glass of the most disgusting drink I'd ever seen and said "Want some?" 

I asked, "What is that?" 

She said, "They call it an Iced Black jelly! It's delicious." 

"But we're not supposed to drink anything with tap water and that ice-"

And she said, "Fine, I'll drink it myself."

A few hours later after we landed in Bankock, she came down with food poisoning so bad, I had to take her to the hospital. I was terrified about the quality of the medical care in one of the AIDS capitals of the world, so I watched the doctors like a hawk to make sure they used sterile needles for her IV to rehydrate her. And when they released her later that night, I took her to the nicest hotel we stayed in the entire trip, far beyond what I could afford. And then I scoured the area for simple chicken broth, and nursed her back to health for the next few days.

She was laid up so long we missed the train trip we'd bought tickets for taking us to Chang Mi, and I love traveling by train more than anything in the world.

But she still really wanted to go up there because she heard the cuisine was so different. You have to understand, she travels by eating her way through a country. Myself? I like to meet the new people, see the sights and I like to have adventures. So I found some cheap plane tickets that got us up there in time to take a 3-day group jungle tour.

She was still weak the first day of the tour and when our guides presented us with a white past for dinner even I had to agree the food was terrible. Still I was just excited to be trekking through the back jungle area far from civilization.
And luckily we went in the winter time so it wasn’t unbearably hot. On the second night, while we were forced to eat the same tasteless gruel, suddenly we smelt delicious charred meat. We went over to the guides and saw they were roasting something on a stick. We were incredible jealous and asked if we could have some and was it chicken? It smelled like chicken. There was some discussion in Thai, and finally, the one who spoke the best English, said

“No... It’s rat.”

On the third night, on our way into our camp site, we passed some ducks the locals were keeping and I asked the main guide if there was any way we could have duck that night. He said it was impossible. I said, “We’d be willing to pay extra. We have Thai Baht.” He said, there was no way. Then I took out a Twenty Dollar bill. And he said he’d be right back.

An hour later we had roast duck on a spit.

My girlfriend was thrilled to have roasted meat, but she was still so tired from her recent food poisoning, she went to bed early while the rest of us stayed up talking around a campfire.

When I got to bed, I was zonked myself and the next thing I remember was, with dawn still in the sky, my girlfriend waking me up - screaming.

She yelled, "Oh, my God! What did you do? Are you trying to kill me? You are! You’re trying to kill me!"

I had no idea what she was talking about, but eventually I got her to calm down and explain. It seems when I came to bed, I’d forgotten to roll down the mosquito net. (Now, she thought she might have been bitten and we hadn't taken malaria pills because we'd heard they made you nauseous.) So she was convinced she'd been infected with malaria and might die any moment... and not only was I to blame, but it was all a big plot of mine. Forget the fact that I wasn't covered with a net either.
Forget that I just spent the last few days caring for her bedridden self instead of going out exploring this unfathomably beautiful country. Nope. She was seriously convinced I'd morphed into an agent of evil bent on destroying her.

She almost broke up with me right there, but we talked it out and instead spent a wonderful week down in Ko Samui… before she broke up with me a few months later.

But we're still great friends today. And I think it’s all because we bonded while traveling abroad.

My name's David Rodwin and that's why I love traveling.

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